2025 - twist and turn

 Hello!

I remember 1985. How is the year 2025 even possible? How can I've been around for this long? I mean, 46 isn't ancient, but it's not that young either. I'm grateful though. Life is an adventure and a gift.

What about ideas, plans and dreams for this year and on? To be honest, I'm in a one day at a time mode, and mood. Like most of the time. 

So, what can I do about that? How can I be more creative and find energy to actually start living "bigger" and not only day by day. What happened to all of my dreams and desires?

I'm tired. I'm happy with the daily routine and relaxing with a good series or film by the end of the day. But is this really the truth? Am I actually "happy"? No, of course not. Life goes by slowly, day by day, but at the same time life goes by far too fast.

I want to enjoy life. I want to experience so much more. I want to be in love, not only with a man, but also with life itself.

How will I make this happen? Is that even the right question? Sometimes what we should do, is to surrender. Surrender and be open for what life brings us. 

Surrender, but at the same time still lead our lives every day. Not give up, never. But maybe have some faith and patience, and trust life.

I don't know if that's possible, and it's kind of hard to distinguish between surrendering and just giving up, but I do know life have a way of surprising us. When we least expect it, there comes the twist and turn.

We should be open enough to welcome it.

Be well, take care!

Maria

It's beginning to look a lot like....

 Hello!

To all of you out there who might read this, I wish you a happy and merry Christmas. If that's not possible, I mean, this time of year can be a struggle for so many reasons, I'll just say: I see you, I feel for you, I know how hard it can be. Lower your expectations and take care of yourself. You matter.

I'm looking forward to nice and quiet days with my parents and one of my sisters. Food, board games, TV and just being together. I feel a bit off today, might be having a cold. We'll see how it gets. Hopefully I don't get sick, that would be such bad timing.

Don't have that much to write about today, and I know it's been ages since I last posted something. But I'm still here, and I'll try to be more active 2025.

Now, be well! Eat, sleep, do something you enjoy. For me, a good film can never be wrong.

Merry Christmas and a happy and blessed new year!!!

Maria

Seagull nightmare

 Hello!

I was about to write "July is here", but that would be a bit premature. Still June, which is absolutely fine by me. Summer goes by too fast anyway, so why not slow down a bit.

How do you feel about seagulls? Their sound can be kind of nice during a day by the sea. Early in the morning for the 45th day in a row, not so much. I can hear them now outside the window, crying and screaming, relentlessly. I know it's because of their offspring, they are being protective. But why here in the centre of a town far from the sea? Pack up your bird shit and leave! It feels like I hear them day and night. My sleep is severely disturbed. My mood as well.

Well, what can you do. Buy some kind of a gun and finish them off? Hahaha! 

That was a joke, okay? Tomorrow morning I'll wake up, not from the seagulls yelping, but someone banging on the door screaming bloody murder and don't touch the seagulls. They've got rights you know.

Sorry, I love animals, but I also love my sleep. It's essential for my well-being, but to be honest, it's also a survival thing. Please dear seagulls, let me live!

Where do we go from here?

I'm visiting my grandmother this afternoon. Going there with my parents. She lives in a seagull-free zone. Thank God. 

I'm sorry, but I don't think I can bring myself to think of something else. So I'm gonna let you go now. I wish you all a lovely day without seagulls!

Take care!

Maria

Trust issues

 Hello!

What's up? Doing fine out there?

It's raining here today. I heard the rain against the windows when waking up this morning. I didn't have to get up inmediately, so I stayed in bed. Fell back into sleep. Felt good.

It's a calm and quiet atmosphere. Listening to the radio. Been reading some stuff about the voice of intuition versus the voice of ego. Interesting and important.

I've been in a bad mood for a while. Trying to do my best, but it's hard when the frustrated, irritated and angry emotions are easily activated. It'll pass, like always, but here and now the best medicine is being by myself and sleep a lot. Well, it would probably be good with some company. I just don't want to expose anyone to my frustrations. To be honest, I also don't want to expose myself to anyone's lack of care or empathy for my state.

I need to take care of myself. No one else is doing it. My responsibility. My life.

I've created a very complicated life for myself. Isolated myself a lot during the years. Thinking I'm all alone, that no one understands or care. Being by myself with my thoughts. 

We need each other. 

The problem is trust. Who do I trust? Can I trust anyone? Do I dare to be vulnerable and open up?

Let's think about that.

Take care!

Maria

Weekend wins and worries

 Hi there!

I was so hoping for a a good night's sleep, and also take the chance to sleep in this Saturday. None of it happened. One of my neighbour's got an annoying habit of singing late at night, loud and clear. My attempts to fall asleep were interrupted several times. I then woke up super early. Sigh!

Well, the sun is shining and I've got nothing else to complain about. 

Why is that such a big thing? "The sun is shining". Who cares about that if life is terrible at the time. An anxiety ridden person won't be helped by a well-meaning but stupid "at least the sun is shining", rather the opposite.

The sun is ALWAYS shining by the way.

Thankfully I'm not anxiety ridden. I'm quite alright. As long as I don't start thinking too much about problems, issues and challenges. Hahaha...

Will I enjoy the sun today? I'll be fine either way. 

If anyone is reading this, I wish you a great day!

Take care!

Maria

The next step

 Hello!

I'm free today, meaning I have a day off. But also, I feel free somehow. Listening to music and just existing, that's freedom. I mean, there are enough problems and challenges in life, but still no use in thinking about them all the time.

I've taken care of some overdue laundry, but it's done now. I'm planning on watching my favourite series, Sons of Anarchy in a bit. Life is good!

Monday I started a new "job". It's not an actual job, but a couple of steps before having a proper one. Last year I tried "work training" at two different places, but neither did last very long. The second one about two months, but it was really hard. I suffer from anxiety and it takes incredible amounts of energy to be amongst people at a work place. I enjoyed working very much as well, it wasn't all bad.

The new thing is much more relaxed and doesn't include proper tasks with a deadline. I'll tell you more about it later on.

I guess that's it for today.

Take care!

Maria

2024 - so far so good

 Hello guys and gals!

I just can't help myself, I have to be writing. It's such a big part of my identity, to express myself through writing. I can't keep my thoughts trapped inside, or my feelings and emotions. They need to be let out, through my fingers against the keys.

What am I rambling on about, you might think? Yeah, mind-reading isn't that easy. Well, I was supposed to stop blogging. Not be doing it anymore. I've also closed my other blog recently.

Surprisingly enough (or not) - here I am, again.

We'll see if this will be a regular thing or what'll happen.

Anyway, hello out there, I hope some of you are still interested in my little world! New ones are super welcome as well, of course. 

It's Saturday and I'm lying in the sofa, listening to the radio. I had some bad falafel earlier, suffering from stomach pains, poor little me. Craving coffee, just not too sure it'll be helpful. Maybe tea would be a better choice. I'm sure I'll be fine.

What are you all up to? Saturdays can look so different. Resting, doing nothing. Being very active, doing as much as possible. Visit family or friends. Spending the weekend away. I guess most people like to be with close ones. Since I am my own close one, I usually spend Saturdays by myself. But there are exceptions. I do have family and friends. 

Living a solitary life is a rollercoaster. Some days I'm convinced this will be it, for the rest of my life. But most of the time I'm longing for a good man. Sharing our lives, love each other and be the support the other one needs. Living together might not be necessary. But the day I finally find Him, I'm guessing I'd want to create a home for us. For us to create a home together.

Love. Never-ending topic. Never-ending need. Never-ending desire.

Take care!

/Maria