2015-12-30

Hate me! Not begging for love

Dear friends!

How are you? Did Christmas treat you right?

As you notice I'm writing in English. I think I will continue to do so, from now on. For my pleasure.

If it gets weird I guess I can change back to Swedish again. We'll see.

As always I've been listening to a lot of music lately. Listening to the lyrics. Thinking. Analyzing. Been analyzing my life, my thoughts, me, who I am. Am I really so fucking complicated?

A person once told me she liked me because she thought I was not complicated. That was before I showed her my true colours and we had a fallout. I was being very bipolar and I understand that she had enough of me. By "very bipolar" I mean not shutting up when I should have and being too full of myself, basically. Those things are not just bipolar, they are part of who I am.

I mean, I can be nice and silent and I can be nice talking. I can also be an idiot. I'm human and I hate when people put me down. Sometimes I hate being put down so much that I become the one who put others down. Totally unintenionally, but still.

I've been thinking a lot about stuff like this lately.

Who am I? Who do I want to be?

It's about time to change the things in my life that I don't like.

A new year is coming. A brand new start. For everyone who wants it to be. Leave all bullshit behind and start fresh.

Happy New Year and be good, as good as you can where you are right now!!
I'm gonna be a fucking angel...
Well, probably not but I will try to be a better person for YOU and for ME.

After all, it's my life.


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